Dating: No wonder you're single.

If you are online dating like so many other people are, you will find a great number of creeps. Please just don't be one of them.

I've gotten messages for hook ups, asked my bra size, asked my shoe size 😝, and told I'm the most beautiful woman on the planet, am I interested in a three way? Uh, no.

One thing that shocks me is that people are more than willing to be a creep nearly from the start. 

I guess that shouldn't shock me as much as the guys who are straight up ignorant, narcissistic, and racist.

The last one gets me most. When dating, confidence matters. But boiling to the worst point in your life and putting that within the first conversation is just stupid:

That is a real conversation, edited only to hide the individual's racist face. Actually, his pix looked ok. I don't respond to people if they don't look at least a little attractive. But those images are broken with his verbiage and anger.

This person is someone, from reading his profile, I wouldn't have thought would be so negative. He was born with a hearing disability, and his profile seemed very well spoken. I'm sure that he's been discrimated against, called names, teased, bullied, etc. but that doesn't give a person the right to pass on that hatred.

Muggers aren't all black. Not all loud cars belong to black people.

Before you date, really think about who you are, what you want, and how you present yourself.

Dating Site Turn Offs

This dating thing is strange and new. But there are definitely things that I know bug me, and probably all women, or maybe most.

Pix with your ex. Everyone has a phone that takes pictures. I'm sure that it's not that difficult to find a decent photo. Heck, I've done it. Ok, so you look great in the ex pic, and you and your ex are friends... But I don't want to constantly be worried that she'll swoop back in.

Pix with ex/someone obviously cut out. Why is there a floating hand? Who is touch your face, making you have fishy lips? Are you holding both of those glasses of champagne? Take a selfie.

Pix with people's faces actually blurred while their bodies are still there. Really. Couldn't even crop? It's easier than smudging people out. Selfie.

Words are hard to come by. It's not easy to just pop in a conversation with a total stranger... Unless you actually read their profile! What a great source for conversation! Cute feature? Ask about it. Strange hobby? Talk about it? Simply saying hi isn't enough for the recipient to build off of. The only other info they have about you is your pic, and let's face it, if they aren't attracted to you that hi was a waste of your time. I even respond to cheesy stuff, like "How about you teach me how to crochet with pasta?" Ok, I haven't gotten that one yet, but it's close enough to what I do get.

Make an effort folks! Get that guy/girl! 

Narcissist post: update on last post

So I spoke to my dearly estranged husband and told him about his mother's comments. He already knew. She had told him that I didn't have ice.

This is another way narcissistic people drain away energy. They make sure that everyone around knows the flaws in you that they perceive. If the narcissist is influential enough they can get other people to look down on you as well.

Thankfully dear old hubs defended me completely. He told his mom that freezing water is not beneficial to the nutrient needs of our children and that he's glad my freezer is full of food.

Perfect example of Narcissism. #1

My (estranged) husband's mom is textbook narcissist. Everything anyone does is never good enough. And I'm sure I can find a billion and one examples. Here is an example of how a narcissist thinks the world revolves around them, therefore they're smarter than everyone, and everyone should just know what the narcissist wants or needs in advance and be fully prepared.

I'm currently without a running vehicle. She volunteered my husband's father to take my son to an appointment today. She picked my son up yesterday on her way home from work so that my father-in-law didn't have to rush to pick him up. She texted asking for ice. I didn't get a chance to text back before she got here, so I went to the car to let her know I don't have ice, she said "Do you have a freezer?" I said yes, so she said " Do you have ice cube trays?" I said yes, then she said " Fill up the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer, then you'll have ice!" I told her that my freezer is full of food and she said "that's good, I guess"

I'm raising three of her grandkids. Feeding them is my priority. Ice is technically considered a luxury if it's not being used to keep parishable foods  from spoiling. It's not my priority to keep her beverages cold. And is rather have a freezer full of food, than a freezer full of frozen water that offers no nutrients to my kids.

Plants: day 14

There is stuff growing. I'm not 100% sure what that stuff is, but it's growing!

I believe the big plants are Moonflowers, the oval shaped leaves could be Rosemary or basil, and the triangular leaves might be lavender. I'm not sure, but I'm having fun!

My series of rules to live by

Life is hard. Socializing is necessary, unfortunately.  That being said, you can minimize your negative social interactions if you follow some basic human behaviors.

For example: if it's not nice, don't say it. I'm not telling everyone to suck up to everyone, but find a nicer way to talk about something that might be hard to discuss. Weight, never talk about someone's weight. Everyone is sensitive about some aspect of their physical appearance and I would guess a large percentage have weight issues. If you're concerned, make sure that you're close enough with that person to discuss the topic. Say something like "hey, a while ago you said you might like to start taking walks, want to try that out together?"

That right there is supporting the other person's fitness goal without saying "get up and walk fatty, your couch is sinking!" 

If you find it impossible to come up with a nicer way to say something, look at yourself. Think about why you can't say things nicer. Were you raised with parents who constantly criticized you or other people? Are you deflecting your own insecure feelings? How would such a statement feel to you?

If you find a problem within yourself, no need to worry or freak out. Simply try to think out your responses and comments before you say them.

No offense. That's just bad manners. By saying "no offense" it shows that you do in fact know this is a touchy subject, but hey, say it anyway! Nothing nice ever comes before or after the statement "no offense."

If you find yourself receiving such negative remarks, look at yourself. Are you being too sensitive? Did the person mean well? Did they offer assistance?

Always stand up for yourself. Maybe not immediately, but think for a minute, then respond. It's ok to tell someone that they've hurt your feelings. If you don't say it, they'll continue to offend you. This can lead to broken relationships and loneliness. 

If you feel someone is being too sensitive, always check the facts. What did I say? What did he/she say? What was the context or overall general feeling to the conversation that led up to the negativity?

Energy Vampires will be sure to continue the negativity. They will suck the energy out of you until you explode. It's ok to banish people from your life. It's ok to give second chances. Make sure you're true to you, and you are able to share your love without harm.

Day 1

I looked on the World Wide Web for some lavender growing advice. The sites insaw all said to remove all dead branches and that these clippings could be used to grow new plants. I'm trying this in 3 containers. One of the containers is a cut up 20oz Coke bottle inverted with the lid on lightly. So that the moisture is a constant. This bottle contains probably 75% dirt and the rest is coffee grinds (used, Green Mountain Breakfast Blend.Keurig variety) and the remnants of a used organic tea bag (Calming, Yogi) I'm hoping to see some growth. If not, this was a neat experiment.

I had three small planters and two rather large planters that had deceased residents. These planters have been tombs for several months, and I hate to get rid of soil (it's dirt!) so I took a 64oz Sweet Tea bottle and cut off the top. That container held the soil and supply's of the three small planters. I placed the lid on top of the soil, it fit right inside the bottle body.  The other two planters had their sad memories and soil placed in two plastic milk jugs. All I did was cut around the top of each bottle to separate the top of the handle, poured in the soil and all of it's cherished loved ones, and put a tiny bits of water in with the clippings I removed from the lavender plant (the unused portions) and tucked to top into the side of the bottle. These three bottles are sitting on my back porch for a future mission. I really hope that one day I won't kill all plants.