Perfect example of Narcissism. #1

My (estranged) husband's mom is textbook narcissist. Everything anyone does is never good enough. And I'm sure I can find a billion and one examples. Here is an example of how a narcissist thinks the world revolves around them, therefore they're smarter than everyone, and everyone should just know what the narcissist wants or needs in advance and be fully prepared.

I'm currently without a running vehicle. She volunteered my husband's father to take my son to an appointment today. She picked my son up yesterday on her way home from work so that my father-in-law didn't have to rush to pick him up. She texted asking for ice. I didn't get a chance to text back before she got here, so I went to the car to let her know I don't have ice, she said "Do you have a freezer?" I said yes, so she said " Do you have ice cube trays?" I said yes, then she said " Fill up the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer, then you'll have ice!" I told her that my freezer is full of food and she said "that's good, I guess"

I'm raising three of her grandkids. Feeding them is my priority. Ice is technically considered a luxury if it's not being used to keep parishable foods  from spoiling. It's not my priority to keep her beverages cold. And is rather have a freezer full of food, than a freezer full of frozen water that offers no nutrients to my kids.

Plants: day 14

There is stuff growing. I'm not 100% sure what that stuff is, but it's growing!

I believe the big plants are Moonflowers, the oval shaped leaves could be Rosemary or basil, and the triangular leaves might be lavender. I'm not sure, but I'm having fun!

My series of rules to live by

Life is hard. Socializing is necessary, unfortunately.  That being said, you can minimize your negative social interactions if you follow some basic human behaviors.

For example: if it's not nice, don't say it. I'm not telling everyone to suck up to everyone, but find a nicer way to talk about something that might be hard to discuss. Weight, never talk about someone's weight. Everyone is sensitive about some aspect of their physical appearance and I would guess a large percentage have weight issues. If you're concerned, make sure that you're close enough with that person to discuss the topic. Say something like "hey, a while ago you said you might like to start taking walks, want to try that out together?"

That right there is supporting the other person's fitness goal without saying "get up and walk fatty, your couch is sinking!" 

If you find it impossible to come up with a nicer way to say something, look at yourself. Think about why you can't say things nicer. Were you raised with parents who constantly criticized you or other people? Are you deflecting your own insecure feelings? How would such a statement feel to you?

If you find a problem within yourself, no need to worry or freak out. Simply try to think out your responses and comments before you say them.

No offense. That's just bad manners. By saying "no offense" it shows that you do in fact know this is a touchy subject, but hey, say it anyway! Nothing nice ever comes before or after the statement "no offense."

If you find yourself receiving such negative remarks, look at yourself. Are you being too sensitive? Did the person mean well? Did they offer assistance?

Always stand up for yourself. Maybe not immediately, but think for a minute, then respond. It's ok to tell someone that they've hurt your feelings. If you don't say it, they'll continue to offend you. This can lead to broken relationships and loneliness. 

If you feel someone is being too sensitive, always check the facts. What did I say? What did he/she say? What was the context or overall general feeling to the conversation that led up to the negativity?

Energy Vampires will be sure to continue the negativity. They will suck the energy out of you until you explode. It's ok to banish people from your life. It's ok to give second chances. Make sure you're true to you, and you are able to share your love without harm.

Day 1

I looked on the World Wide Web for some lavender growing advice. The sites insaw all said to remove all dead branches and that these clippings could be used to grow new plants. I'm trying this in 3 containers. One of the containers is a cut up 20oz Coke bottle inverted with the lid on lightly. So that the moisture is a constant. This bottle contains probably 75% dirt and the rest is coffee grinds (used, Green Mountain Breakfast Blend.Keurig variety) and the remnants of a used organic tea bag (Calming, Yogi) I'm hoping to see some growth. If not, this was a neat experiment.

I had three small planters and two rather large planters that had deceased residents. These planters have been tombs for several months, and I hate to get rid of soil (it's dirt!) so I took a 64oz Sweet Tea bottle and cut off the top. That container held the soil and supply's of the three small planters. I placed the lid on top of the soil, it fit right inside the bottle body.  The other two planters had their sad memories and soil placed in two plastic milk jugs. All I did was cut around the top of each bottle to separate the top of the handle, poured in the soil and all of it's cherished loved ones, and put a tiny bits of water in with the clippings I removed from the lavender plant (the unused portions) and tucked to top into the side of the bottle. These three bottles are sitting on my back porch for a future mission. I really hope that one day I won't kill all plants.

Good vs. Bad

 Why do women go for the bad guys when there are so many good guys around? While messaging with a variety of people, I've come to the conclusion that women choose the bad guy because he is always first to jump out and deceive us women into believing that he's truly interested. And he'll do anything to take advantage of at risk women (like those of us with anxiety, depression, etc) because we've got low self esteem, hate change, get comfortable and don't want to leave it, and we want to believe they really are the good guy.

My data: since graduating high school many moons ago, I've been contacted by a variety of people I knew back then. Some were friends I lost contact with, others were just acquaintances, one or two were people I crushed on. The majority of the nice guys tell me that they had a huge crush on me but never asked me out because they never thought that they would never get a yes. Pretty much the same reason I have never initiated a relationship, I never believe I would get a yes, but am very comfortable saying no. The guys I'm talking about who didn't ask me out were very sweet, cute, supportive, friendly, and I always just wanted the romantic views of relationships. And the bad guys were full of the romantic crap.

The guys who've just contacted me for a physical relationship only ever just want to discuss sex. They say things like "You're hot, just like in high school" or my fave "Hey, I know you were friends with so and so in school, I was looking at their friends list and always thought you were pretty and nice" in school,are you single? If so, let's go out and see what happens?" That right there is a perfect hook. Seems innocent enough, yet their confidence and braveness is so warming that I instantly want to jump at the chance. Just enough compliment to make me feel like maybe they've been thinking of me for the last 15 years and now they've found me and the fairy tale starts.

I've learned to message back and forth for several days before deciding to go with it. If they're not genuine it comes out in about a week. That's when they start "So, when will you be free?" Or "Do you ever get time without your kids?" Or " You said that the kids go with their dad sometimes, anyway that's happening sooner than later?" If they want to get to me, they've got to be patient. Real crushes don't die so quickly. 

I did go out with a couple of my guy friends from high school. They were sweet back then, they're still sweet, but sometimes they just want to be physical, other times I'm not exactly what they imagined me to be like, or I've changed since high school. Or we're both afraid to commit because it's scary and intimidating.

In the end, don't be afraid to make him wait until you are comfortable. The bad guys usually fall away faster than the bad guys.

Narcissist

I married one. My life makes a little more sense now.

Things we tell our kids that make lifelong impression.

Almost everyone has heard it. "You just wait until your father comes home!" "I'll give you something to cry about."

We jokingly put these types of things in memes or in comments, but is it really a joke?

These phrases were the start of my mental illness. I'm not blaming my parents, I don't think, but when a person is crying and you tell them you'll give them something to cry about, it moves the validity of what is making them cry over to being afraid of whatever punishment for crying may be given. They're having a new fear added to their fears. When telling the child that the other person is going to be more harsh with punishment instilled fear of that person more than of what the punishment might be.

We are essentially training our kids behaviors, fears, likes, and dislikes.

I will never claim to be the perfect mother. I want my kids to feel safe coming to me when there's trouble, know that I can help them without someone else leading the way. I have never said they should just wait until their father gets home in a manner of eventual punishment. Punishment isn't always the answer. Discipline works better.

I teach my kids right from wrong by actually discussing the situation at hand. Praise them for the good, but also explain why the action or behavior is unacceptable when it's bad. It's repetitive. Exhausting. But it's worth it.