My life is a disturbing game of "how many licks does it take?" Instead of a lollipop it's my life and spirit. My life feels out of control and moving at an extreme pace, faster and faster.
No one would notice if I were gone. I have no family aside from my kids and even they do better without me.
I have no motivation or energy. At this point I don't even know how I would kill myself. Pills are unreliable, so is drowning. I don't want to burn. No one will shoot me or stab me. Hanging is how I see it, but I'm afraid to hang.
I want me back. But I think she's gone forever. I used to be happy and confident. Now I'm grumpy and secluded.
I don't know what I'm doing. I wish I'd get shot at random, or someone broke in and killed me. It would be so much easier.