Why do women go for the bad guys when there are so many good guys around? While messaging with a variety of people, I've come to the conclusion that women choose the bad guy because he is always first to jump out and deceive us women into believing that he's truly interested. And he'll do anything to take advantage of at risk women (like those of us with anxiety, depression, etc) because we've got low self esteem, hate change, get comfortable and don't want to leave it, and we want to believe they really are the good guy.
My data: since graduating high school many moons ago, I've been contacted by a variety of people I knew back then. Some were friends I lost contact with, others were just acquaintances, one or two were people I crushed on. The majority of the nice guys tell me that they had a huge crush on me but never asked me out because they never thought that they would never get a yes. Pretty much the same reason I have never initiated a relationship, I never believe I would get a yes, but am very comfortable saying no. The guys I'm talking about who didn't ask me out were very sweet, cute, supportive, friendly, and I always just wanted the romantic views of relationships. And the bad guys were full of the romantic crap.
The guys who've just contacted me for a physical relationship only ever just want to discuss sex. They say things like "You're hot, just like in high school" or my fave "Hey, I know you were friends with so and so in school, I was looking at their friends list and always thought you were pretty and nice" in school,are you single? If so, let's go out and see what happens?" That right there is a perfect hook. Seems innocent enough, yet their confidence and braveness is so warming that I instantly want to jump at the chance. Just enough compliment to make me feel like maybe they've been thinking of me for the last 15 years and now they've found me and the fairy tale starts.
I've learned to message back and forth for several days before deciding to go with it. If they're not genuine it comes out in about a week. That's when they start "So, when will you be free?" Or "Do you ever get time without your kids?" Or " You said that the kids go with their dad sometimes, anyway that's happening sooner than later?" If they want to get to me, they've got to be patient. Real crushes don't die so quickly.
I did go out with a couple of my guy friends from high school. They were sweet back then, they're still sweet, but sometimes they just want to be physical, other times I'm not exactly what they imagined me to be like, or I've changed since high school. Or we're both afraid to commit because it's scary and intimidating.
In the end, don't be afraid to make him wait until you are comfortable. The bad guys usually fall away faster than the bad guys.
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